Here's the link to the article so you, gentle reader, can know precisely to what my numbers are referring:
6 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT THINK ARE HARASSMENT BUT DEFINITELY ARE
Yes, that's right, the title for the article was written in all capitals, as though the name wasn't hysterical enough.
Here was what I commented on my hapless friend's post. I may lose friends for it, but it's how I feel and I refuse to be bullied into feeling a certain way by anyone:
This whole notion of what's "harassment" is, to my
mind, becoming absolutely stupid. It's
like women are determined to be victims even when they're not, and it makes me
feel bad about being female.
Before I itemize my problems with this list, let me clarify:
I have been assaulted three times. Well, four if you count the one that
happened when I was 7. Never raped, but
not for the lack of men trying. If I had
gotten irate every time someone followed me, stared at me, cat-called me (and
yes, even though I'm 45 and 110 lbs. over-weight, that does still happen),
wolf-whistled at me, propositioned me, and everything short of actually
touching me, but if I'd taken it as serious I'd have locked myself in a closet
decades ago. Instead, I chose to ignore
the stupidity (including the abuse when someone took amiss that I had ignored
them) and learned self-defense.
1. Johnny Rotten once told me to smile because I was leaning
against the stage as he and PIL were setting up for a concert. I was 17 and very depressed. He was trying to cheer me up. On Fantasy Island, every episode Mr. Roarke
would tell all his guests, "Smiles, everyone! Welcome to Fantasy Island!" Based on that, Julian has, for years, said that
to EVERYONE.
Let's not forget free speech.
2. I've never had a man tell me "God bless
you." I have only had women say
that to me. Nonetheless, even though my
atheist soul cringes at it (I was an atheist for 15 years before I ever started
thinking I might be a Druid, back in my late teens), still, people have a right
to say what they want. Free speech and
all that.
3. Compliments are
never actually wrong. Doesn't matter why
you do it. If you get offended because
someone complimented you, you've got issues.
You don't have to take it to heart, but getting pissed off about it is
just stupid. The
"implications" listed are assumptions of the really bitter recipient. I wonder how many men were asked about their
motives with this?
Also, free speech.
4. Yeah, OK, staring is creepy. However, ignoring it is easy unless you have
issues, in which case, once again, that's your problem, not the problem of the
person staring at you.
Hell, it can feel creepy when your cat stares at you. Also, I've seen women stare at men in the
same way. It's not necessarily voluntary
on the part of the starer.
5. You can speak to
anyone you want. I've been harassed by
lots of women speaking to me that I didn't want to have a damned thing to do
with, and I've seen lots of women do that to men. Just get a spine and either ignore them or
tell them to go away.
6. OK, THIS is a
problem. I've even seen men become
physical when ignored. However, they
also do this to men who ignore them, so painting it as just a sexual harassment
thing is sexist. Honestly, if you
continue to ignore them (since what these people actually want is for you to
get upset at them, to start something) they will just go away. I've been proving that for years. Hell, I got out of being mugged because it
scared the hell out of the guy trying to mug me because I ignored him, and he
had a gun on me.
In essence, this list comes across as being even more
misogynistic than the behavior it itemizes.
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